


Idea of Mistrust

by madeofdaysix



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Angst, F/M, Slice of Life, the one that got away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 17:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15417891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofdaysix/pseuds/madeofdaysix
Summary: The idea of mistrusting her feeling has led her into pushing away all the things she desires. He, who mistrusts himself more than anything, keeps waiting for the right time to come.





	Idea of Mistrust

The night sky has completely stretched its arms over the horizon, the peak of human activity shows no sign of diminishing not when the weekend is finally here – the only time where people seek for entertainment and leisure time after long week of working. In between the sea of neon lights, there’s a small underground live club surrounded by warm, less conspicuous lighting compared to others alongside the street but the number of frequent visitors, mostly youngsters, coming in and out proves the place is nothing less significant.

By 8 in the evening, people have started swarming in front of the small stage of concentrated brightness where it has been Brian and his band members’ playground for quite a while now. These people come from disparate directions with different reasons – coming for pure entertainment, leisure time, gathering with peers, and maybe some of them come to have all these things together. The band is there to fulfill these people’s needs – washing away worries of daily crisis in one way or another. For Brian, it can be a little wild and freaky. It’s for the fun, he justified.

Of course, young peeps and their raging hormones.

However, he’s not having any of it tonight particularly. Among the sea of crowds in front of him, his eyes keep hovering at one side of the bar throughout the entire segment; a familiar figure at one of the high tables.

As if she feels something piercing through her head, she turns to look at the performing stage. Her hands tapping along to the heavy beats of instruments echoing through the area. The guitarists are grooving along to the rhythm but not as much as the bassist, it’s not hard to notice him from a distance. The song transitioned into a faster tempo but the lyrics are plain depressing and desperate. She used to wonder how depressing and miserable must be for the person to write such song but now that she listens to it again, she sighs.

Her drink is half empty now and she’s already on her third bottle; her entire body feels lighter but her heart remains heavy. It’s been two weeks of fighting and screaming over refutation and proving pointless things. It’s been two weeks since she became an entire form of mess, physically and emotionally. She kept herself in the dark on those days – engulfed in self-pity and betrayal. Tonight, is supposedly be the day she’s finally free but it doesn’t seem to be so, much to her dismay. Coming back to this place gives her a sense of familiarity and comfort but it’s only temporary.

The overwhelming emptiness creeping in for the nth time.

Last shot.

_*chugs*_

Another shot.

_*chugs*_

Brian sneakily slips in through the crowd right after the segment has ended, his eyes fix on a specific high table at the farthest corner. The feeling of hesitation slowly dragging his steps as he walks closer to her. It’s not the kind of hesitation where he might mistake her for someone else. He knows her too well not to know her. In fact, the hesitation comes from doubting himself whether he is in any place to be talking to her again like they used to; not just the small talks, and exchange greetings as if they were nothing else than just acquaintances. For once, he doesn’t want to play-pretend.

He’s only few steps away but his feet remain still, eyes remain glued on her back that gives off sadness and loneliness. _A row of alcohol, and isolating herself in public._ He takes a mental note of these little details and he doesn’t have good feelings about it. Her bad habits. _These are things she does when she feels sad._

Brian spontaneously takes away the shot glass before she could pour some more for herself. Her face turns to the culprit with a hint of annoyance. Her gaze softens upon seeing Brian’s face within the proximity, she smiles; the type of smile that doesn’t quite reach the eyes. After a quick scan of her surroundings, she realizes the mellow tunes has softly filled the underground area. As if it’s a natural thing to do, Brian settles on a seat beside her and pours the drink for himself. He’s not even bothered to use a new glass.

None of them speak a word nor looking at each other, they let the comfortable silent reigns in. After a few moments, she averts her gaze from the wooden surface to Brian, who determined to finish the last bits of the liquor without no one tells him to.

“I just happened to see you here. Were you waiting for Jae? Should I call him? We just finished though,” he asks her with a politically concerning tone.

It sounds so distant just like the proximity he’s been keeping between them since the moment he decides to sit beside her. Brian has this habit of treating people in the way he thinks that’s how they want to be treated. But she couldn’t blame him for treating her like a friend of a friend, a frequent visitor of the live club. Both Brian and she have had built walls for each other – they know how and why it starts but they play it off in lieu of talking it over.

Silent.

“Is Jae the first and only thing that comes to your mind when you see me?” she scoffs, feeling slightly offended.

Silent.

“Does it matter which or what comes first?” he finally speaks.

Silent. 

It comes out harsher than he expected but he really means it. It doesn't matter which and what comes first. She will always be the first thing he thinks of in the morning, wondering what time she went to sleep last night or did she sleep well. She's the main reason behind all the band’s song lyrics he has written. The band members would often budge him into telling them about his muse but he resists. It’s funny to see how clueless they are when the muse has been around them all the time. She will always be the first person in mind when he feels the happiest, wishing she would be there to cherish the moment together — even the saddest, he would wish she doesn't have to go through heartbreaks or anything that hurts her. And if she does, even if she does; he wouldn't hesitate a second to help her and catches her every time she falls — be the crying shoulder; breathing space. He would do anything for her.

Humans are complicated after all. He terrifies by the thought of having her more than he already does. Brian stays behind the line he made. He lets the time tells and compromise whatever awaits him — he wishes it to be her. She, however, has pushed him away almost a year ago. She broke the news of being with someone else.

That's how Jae came into the frame. That's when the time comes forward and reunited them. She visited the live club for the first time to see a friend, that friend is none other than Jae. The moment she was introduced to the band members, Brian didn't know what to do — he still doesn't know what to do — he couldn't bring himself to think if he's supposed to do something or just keep it as it is. He put a façade instead, giving her the treatment of a mutual friend. When she comes around, he would bring up Jae because that's how she's originally come through. He's too afraid to say anything more. He doesn't want to lose a sight of her ever again. But tonight, he’s risking it.

“Then, what makes you come here?”

She pressed her lips together, as her hand pointing the obvious; “Just drinking,”

“I can see that. You’re drinking unusually a lot for just here to drink,”

“And why are you here?”

“For you – to drive you home,” he stands up.

As if knowing she won’t budge, he asks “So, you don’t trust me?”

 

* * *

 

“I see that,” is the first thing she says when she enters his car. The face Brian did when he saw her there, waiting for him in front of the building flashes at the back of her mind. His surprised face denoting as though she did something he didn’t expect.

“Ah, you caught me. I’m sorry,” he lets out a soft chuckle out of embarrassment. “It’s just… my heart was ready. In case you disappear or run away,”

“Coming from someone who talked about trust a few minutes ago,” she interjects with a mocking tone.

“Aren’t you one to talk too? What’s with the face? You make me feels like some sketchy dude who asking you for a drive,” his voice comes out high-pitched. She’s amused at his little habit of unconsciously speaking in high pitched when he gets defensive.

“Well, I’d like to – honestly. I mean the offer,” she explains softly and swallows the lump in her throat. “It’s just not home. I don’t want to be there,”

The rest of the trip is silence. He doesn’t interrogate her further on why she doesn’t want to go home, and why she is drinking excessively when she’s that much of a drinker. She isn’t the type to open her heart up very easily but she will eventually do it when she’s ready. He just needs to be there by her side, waiting for her to rest her heart.

They both arrive at Brian’s apartment. She enters with light, jumpy steps. A place that is way is too familiar for her to be in – sometimes she likes it better than her own house. It’s nothing luxurious, or commodious. Brian’s house is just a regular studio apartment with minimal furniture surrounded by soft wallpaper hue but the ambiance is so homey for her to stay in.

She puts her belongings on the small couch and lies on the queen-sized bed right away. “I hope this bed is clean,” she glances at Brian, who is putting his guitar case on the right corner of the bed, with a hopeful look.

“I don’t do that anymore,” he answers. “I mean, not here,”

“Wow, really? Since when?” She stands up, walks towards the wooden cupboard near the bathroom.

Since that night, he answered in his mind.

“You have no idea how traumatized I am when I saw some naked girl walking around the house. I don’t mind – it’s none of my business,” she recalls. “At least you should’ve told me beforehand so I don’t have to see it with my own eyes,”

She pulls one of the drawers, smiling at the content. A folded towel and Brian’s soft pink fleece hoodie (which probably already became hers) which neatly placed – looking almost untouched. The drawer which has become hers when she first visited his house and it remains unchanged even after a year. She takes them out and sniffs it - a scent that comes like a distant memory but close to her heart.

He’s already in bed, lying on his stomach when he heard the bathroom door closing. After months have passed by, she’s with him again in this bedroom like nothing has happened. Like the bedroom did not witness how they fell in deep into the night, letting their hidden lust and desire taking over their minds and bodies which led into invading each other’s personal space and breaking boundaries. He would like to believe they were in love at one point but it only led to bidding each other’s goodbye the next morning.

He gone reckless since then, trying to refute himself into thinking that night was just a spur of the moment decision by kissing another’s face but it only reminded Brian of her. It’s funny how bringing some girls home were nothing unusual to him but had it been since that night that he found it hard to do it. As if it was sacred. Brian dared to do it one night but he couldn’t bring himself to spend the night without picturing her on someone else’s face – not in this bedroom of his.

“Brian,” her voice echoes. He jolted as a reflex when her cold hand placed on his cheek. “Brian, you scared me! You’re lying there with your eyes wide open. You didn’t answer when I called you,” she panicked.

“Sorry,” he stood up immediately. “What was it?”

“You can go and take a shower now,” she answers with a concerned face. He belatedly realizes she has already changed her clothes.

 

* * *

 She has already fast asleep when he comes out of the shower. He changes into clean clothes and lies on the vacant side of the bed where her back is facing. He scoots closer gingerly and at her small, frail body with affection. Brian pulls the thick blanket over their bodies, making sure it covers her comfortably.

She turns around, adjusting her position to match his eye level. She likes that feeling when she caught him looking at her only for him stare at her a little longer with no intention of letting go. They both stare at each other in silence.

“Can I hug you?” her voice comes out soft.

Brian breaks the long stare and pulls her closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around her. He sighs;

“You can always come and talk to me,” he leans in his head on top of her head and gives a peck before he continues, “I will listen,”

“Thank you,” she murmured into his chest.

“That’s only if you trust me,”

“I have _never_ lost that in you,”

They spent the rest of the night in each other’s embraces. Brian is taking his time appreciating this precious moment with her. Her warmth. Her soft scent. Her delicate figure. Even if he woke up to none of these, he’s ready. He’ll wait again.


End file.
